Thursday, 26 March 2009


I've just spent a delightful evening with a recent young lover of mine (now aged 34).

We had quite a hot and ongoing relationship at the end of last year, then he got injured training and couldn't visit for a while. He doesn't live in London but we kept in touch.

We subsequently made a date for tonight. He arrived on time having obviously taken great pride in his appearance. To me he's gorgeous rough, smooth, tidy or unkempt but I appreciated the trouble he'd gone to.

I cooked us a meal then we sat on the sofa playing catch-up, listening to music, and telling each other many intimate stories like we always used to. Five hours passed then he got up to leave.

I was surprised and not a little disappointed. I presumed he would stay. When I gently broached this, he said it hadn't occurred to him that he'd made very early arrangements in the morning but would definitely stay 'next time'.

Question: If a man comes over to spend an evening with a woman who he's slept with in the past and whose company he clearly enjoys, why would he not want to make love to her?

I'm confused. Is he no longer that into me? Did he not want to appear presumptuous since we haven't seen each other for a while? Should I have tried to seduce him though I always prefer the man to make the first move?

Help me here, boys, and give me some honest answers please.


Wes Parmalee said...

Hi Wendy,

well, I believe there is nothing to worry about. To me, this is not extraordinary. I have done this. Trouble is, you, women, often think, we, males, are always ready and open. And when we're not, you feel offended or confused.
When I did that, this was just because I didn't feel this was the right moment (well it's been pretty rare though!). But at least, I would've staid cozy with you in my arms all night long.
There can be multiples reasons: he actually only wanted a fine dinner, he has a girlfriend and at the very last second he felt guilty, he has physical issues and didn't want you to know, ... who knows?
As I said, personally, I am capable of doing this, but this does not mean I do not fancy the woman on question.
I'm sure I do not help much :)

wotsisname? said...

Hi Wendy,
I wonder if Wes really meant 'free dinner?'In so many of your anecdotal blogs you do sorta come over as a 'mothering' figure, rather than the mature, but actively sexual female. Yeah, we've heard that you 've no intention of being a 'cougar' (horrible word), but on this occasion I do think a bit of mild seduction wouldn't have been out of place. So many of us really get quite a kick when the woman makes the first move (particularly when she's older than us!)Why not try it next time around? You've got nothing to lose really - the very worst that can happen is a repeat of your last shitty encounter! I do feelfor you, as you were obviously expecting so much more. Suggest you just offer him a cheese sandwich next time, and tell him HE's going to provide the dessert!

Wendy Salisbury said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendy Salisbury said...

Ah my sweet boys! Thanks so much for your feedback. Very helpful and I'm sure absolutely true.

Us girls do think that guys are always 'up for it' and when we are(which isn't always!)we feel somewhat miffed if you don't read our minds and concur.

The overall opinion was that he felt it inappropriate after a longish break to expect to stay the night and was therefore unprepared for it (condoms, toothbrush!)

Great conversation can be much more bonding than sex and is not so easy to find, so in fact I should feel flattered and respected which is better than feeling flattened and f***ed!

Isn't it great how I've turned it around!!!

wotsisname? said...

Well, you said it, darling! (You mean to say you didn't offer him any of your 'emergency supply' of rubbers you told us all about when that naff young lad arrived without any?) Best get a stock of those hotel throwaway toothbrushes too - and whilst you're at it, maybe those little pots of shower gel/aftershave etc etc? (lol:)Ah well, 'Always look on the bright side of life' eh as the Monty Python Fixicrution song goes!Sounds like you had a good old natter anyway. Wonder what the odds are of him showing up again (with or without his toilet bag?)

Nick Furry said...

When in doubt be Very direct ladies.

wotsisname? said...

I'd have thought this topic would now be in the category of 'Ancient History' by now with our Wendy, Nick. - but I would fully agree with you "If you never ask..." etc!