Thursday. I resist texting MLP but by 1 p.m. I lose the fight:
‘Be good to feel your arms around me and my legs around you again soon’.
I don’t hear back from him at all. What a slap in the face that is! Not all day and not all night so I text Finn again because I’m feeling lonely and abandoned.
He replies very keenly and after a few soul-searching seconds (that’s as long as it takes me to search my soul) I invite him over. The minute I’ve done it, I regret it so I rescind the invitation thereby driving the poor boy nuts.
At 11.45 p.m. Arrogant Rugby Player texts me from his chalet in the Alps to tell me his thighs are burning from a hard day’s ski-ing. Like I giveashit.
This is the first full day since MLP and I met that we have not had contact. He does have a propensity to leave his mobile phone in odd places, and I console myself with that thought. Also the fact that he could have lost it or had it stolen or emigrated to Tanzania without bothering to tell me.
I also remember that he is often out of credit and this affords me some modecum of comfort.
Friday. I wake up drowning in a well of loneliness. I wish I wasn’t so needy – for company, love, approbation, admiration. I need to work harder on making myself whole and strong on my own. All I want is someone to want me...It hardly seems to matter who any more...
If I don’t hear from MLP today, I shall...WHAT?
In a flash of inspiration, I 141 his mobile and it rings and rings before going to voice mail. Had he answered, that would have meant he was available to text or phone me and I would have wanted to know: Why hasn’t he?
I go about my busy day which ends with a deafening silence. Questions career around my head:
Where the fuck is he?
Should I phone him?
Is that ever a good idea?
Shouldn’t women always play hard to get?
Will I be damned if I do and damned if I don’t?
Why is this part always so terribly hard?
Answers on the Comments link PLEASE!
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2 comments:
Hi Wendy-I have just started reading your blogg-it makes for good reading-got to know about you from Richard and Judy.
As a single woman of a certain age who often dates younger men I can identify with you in lots of ways. For what it is worth... in my experience..never ever phone first..it is hard but you should just play the waiting game..if he is interested he will get in touch with you..the more you push -the more he will think you cannot do without him..and that often leads to him being in control and not you..an air of mystery is much more interesting to most men .If the worst happens and he does not get in touch-then for sure someone else will take his place..at least you had him for a while -that in itself should lift your spirits. I wish you all the best and I am going to buy the book. Julie.
Hi Julie
I really appreciate your writing. And of course - you are right. They still like the thrill of the chase...sometimes it's just so hard to keep your hands to yourself and off that dialling or texting button!
Good luck with your future relationships - one has to try and view them as a bit of fun and not get too bogged down, eh??
The Toyboy Diaries is out now and The Daily Male hopefully next year.
Hope you enjoy the read.
Best wishes
Wendy
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