Sunday, 25 October 2009


Someone asked me recently if, after so many meanderings through the labyrinths of life, I didn’t now hanker deep down for a long-term, settled, committed relationship.

Having given what some may say were 'the best years of my life’ to marriage (all through my 20s and all through my 30s) plus a further 7 years from 49 to 56 to long-term, settled, committed relationships only to have them not work out, I now know what suits me and what doesn't:

Wabi-Sabi: a Japanese expression meaning The Beauty of Impermanence.

The trouble with the merging of men and women is that we both want different things. On the basis of there being, say, 10 levels - if you click with someone on 6 of them, they’re going to be found wanting on the other 4. And what they’re wanting is going to be very different from what you’re wanting.

As time goes by, those un-clicked levels are going to gnaw away at your happiness until there’s a hole big enough to drive a lawyer through.

To my mind, being ‘settled’ at this stage would be akin to having one Wellington boot stuck in the mud while the foot with the tango shoe on it thrashes the air helplessly trying to dance.

* * * * *

The fact that I write about my sex life seems to be an open invitation to some men to grope me indiscriminately just because they feel like it. They also assume that because they want me (or possibly anyone) ‘me’ must automatically want them back. Having invited a lady out, they should not expect that lady to invite them in. And when they’re let down – gently but firmly - yet still persist in being lascivious, that’s just downright arrogant, ignorant and rude.

I am, however, prepared to keep an open mind and as an antidote to my forays into toyboy territory, I help to run a Singles Social Group for people aged 50-70. On Sunday we visited a stately home for a guided tour and afternoon tea.

In one of the grand salons where Countess Lavinia Gimemore-Goldleif once entertained The Grand Duke Harry und Gedemoff, there were some chairs. Two of the male members sat down and promptly fell asleep. Older men, eh? I rest my case.

So as far as long-term relationships go, it ain’t happening at the moment. And so I shall continue to amble through the maze without finding the way out. Because I enjoy the Wabi-Sabi - and let’s face it: a long-term, settled, committed relationship wouldn’t half interfere with my social life.


California Boy said...

Dear Wendy,
Love your blog. Since being turned on by the Wall Street Journal of all things, I have been a panting reader, eagerly awaiting the next installment of your colorful exploits. You are a wonderful writer with enviable experiences and ability to turn a simple phrase into a mind expanding interpretation. As a gentleman a bit out of your favored demographic (I too have wonderful grandchildren – a bit older than yours) I relive my fantasies through your words. As an author (my book is currently on top of yours on the Amazon bestsellers list – better the other way round?) whose favorite contemporary British writer stopped writing, I now have you to retain connections with a country I have thoroughly enjoyed on many occasions while living, working and visiting Europe (lived in a beach house for a couple of years while working in Denmark and worked for a company headquartered in Brussels – a singularly distasteful city in my not so humble opinion except for the easy trip to London).

Off to the beach!

California Boy

Wendy Salisbury said...

Dear California Boy,

Thank you so much for writing! And such compliments...if I knew how to blush I'd be doing it now.

I do appreciate your words and am flattered that you enjoy mine.

Please tell me what your book is - I'd be interested to hear about it.

Dull, grey and dark in London just now (5.00 p.m. Tuesday eve.) as I sit crafting my 2nd novel.

No doubt sunny in California...Ho hum...can't have it all - though I sure do try!

Best wishes

California Boy said...

A dull,grey, dark Autumn eve
A fire to cut the chill
Wine to open the soul
To writing
And loving
"A Man and a Woman"


Liz said...

Hi Wendy

How are you doing....... love the latest instalment. It finds you in a very reflective and thoughtful mood doesn't it!

I think you should just carrying on being the gorgeous irrepresible Wendy that you sre.....

My life is great and wedding plans are careering forward from an intimate little gathering to a massive shindig for the town!!

Much love

Liz x