Saturday, 19 September 2009


The nights are drawing in and the pages of the calendar will soon turn from green to gold but there's Strictly! X Factor! Thai Sweet Chilli Flavoured crisps and dips! Sofa! Heaven!

Now that the world's two favourite programmes are back, fighting for ratings and keeping our channel-flipping thumbs happily occupied, there's only one place to be on a Saturday night. Rejoice and celebrate.

Our old friends Brucie, Tess, Simon, Cheryl, Louis and that girl with the wonky nose are back so no need to feel lonely or afraid if you don't have a date. He'd only talk all the way through it or demand to watch the football instead, and some things - like bars of Green & Black's Dark Organic Cherry Chocolate chomped in front of trash TV - are far better enjoyed alone.

The Wedding in Marbella turned out to be a bit chavvy, in case you were wondering. Despite the beautiful setting, with a ceremony on the fringes of a sunset beach, the company left something to be desired (salvaged at the 11th hour by some cool people on my table).

The first person I set eyes on when I arrived was Paul Danan. And I thought this was meant to be a "Celebrity" wedding!! I was also teamed up with the most boring man on the planet but in case he's reading this, I better say: "Oh no I wasn't!" (then you can say: "Oh yes you was!")

I downed a couple of kir royales in quick succession in an attempt to make the other guests look marginally more attractive. I then embarked on a side-splittingly misguided toyboy moment. Unable to accept the fact that amongst a blur of middle-aged faces I was just another one of the same, I attempted to claw back some of my personality by making eyes at the very bloke who'd filled me with dread on arrival: Paul Danan.

I vaguely remember lurching up to him, telling him I was losing the will to live and demanding that he entertain me. How embarrassing was that? More so, because although he rose to the occasion and promised to comply with my instruction, even suggesting we head off down the beach to search for stranded dolphins, he swiftly disappeared into the crowd never to be seen again!

The expression: No Fool Like An Old Fool was obviously invented for a reason. Shame that night the reason was me!

On returning from sunnier climes, I found a proper old-fashioned letter amid my post. You don't get many of them to the pound nowadays. It had been forwarded by my publishers and contained a 5-page hand-written missive from a man I did not know, whose address began 'H M Prison...'

I'll tell you all about it next time...


Liz said...

Paul Danan - thats not being an old fool.... it's just plain old fashioned 'Beer Goggles'! lol! He was probably afraid he'd end up in one of your books!

Liz x

Wendy Salisbury said...

Very funny Liz! They were champagne goggles actually and apart from being - well - er...Paul Danan... he was rather cute!


N.IrishAndy79 said...

More fool him, Wendy ! I would have whisked you down to that beach if I had have been there...! x

Mark said...

Just finished reading your second book "The Daily Male" which I purchased for my wife's birthday and read it before she got the chance! I like your style of text,very readable and at some times hard to put down. I can safely say they broke the mould when they made you!
When you read the various episodes all the action seems to take place in your flat, were you ever invited to their homes and did any of them cook you a meal. It all seems a bit one sided, however I do feel you are missing a certain something. I fully understand that these relationships with younger men give you this source of catharatic energy but ultimately they break your heart. I wonder if you are.. as in the film Notting Hill where Julie Roberts stands in front of Hugh Grant and says "although she is famous she is simply a girl who wants to be loved"
Although a man myself it never ceases to amaze me how many men constantly let down their partners in all departments. If we were listed on the stock exchange would women be prepared to invest in them, not many as the returns would be extremely poor!
On a final note have you listened to Sade's no ordinary love, think this song strikes a chord in all your relationships.