DON'T MENTION THE 'F' WORD!

Hurrah! It's over! Now all those tossers with two-inch penises can take their silly flags off their cars, vans and bikes and get on with doing a decent day's work.

Goodbye permanently green TV screen. Goodbye irritating vuvuzelas. Goodbye boring commentators with their pre-and post-mortems. Goodbye In-ger-land. You're coming home - but not in a good way.

I know this will alienate 7/8th of the population but frankly, my dears, I don't give a damn. Not everybody loves football.

I know the fans will continue watching till the bitter end and I agree that our final score should have been 4-2, but really, that's academic now, isn't it?

I've had far too many dates postponed in the past few weeks because: "There's a really important game on... do you mind if we re-arrange?"

Well, yes, actually - I do, so go away little boy and come back when you've grown a pair.

The unappealing Mr. L who's been on the prowl these past few weeks has something in his favour: he doesn't follow 'the beautiful game' which gives him more time to spend with me.

Trouble is: I'd actually rather watch a football match than see him and that tells you everything you need to know!

Meanwhile, my long silence has been due to a gruelling work and social schedule which has left me little time for blogging. Apologies. I'll be back as soon as I've finished this second book edit.

Hope you're all well. Till soon...